May 24, 2010

I graduate in less than a month.
PG: 100. Today I deserve a 100 because this is the first legitimate class I've had in a month! It felt so good to have a teacher again (although I love Lou, I miss you :[) Asssskisss! haha, anyways. It also felt really good to do a monologue. I've done this monolgoue with two different arttisits, and it's really cool to see what direction each of them lead you in to still get an arch, but with a different outcome. I love the play Dog Sees God. I hope one day I can like, adapt it into a screenplay or even like, colobrate with Bert V. Royal.

Journal: I'm staying after to tech the dance show. Do I still need to write a review and/ or do journals?

Catch Me If You Can

PG: Today I deserve a 100 because I, along with the rest of the seniors pulled a pretty decent lesson plan out of our asses because we didn't have the movie to watch. There may have been some kind of miscommunication today because Javi didn't know if he was supposed to have the movie or what? So, hopefully everything will get worked out for tomorrow so this doesn't have to happen again.

So, We didn't watch All The President's Men today because we didn't have the movie. Instead, we... well, Matt gave the freshman a mini history lesson about the Watergate Scandal so that they have some information about the movie. After we finished that, we put on the movie "Catch Me If You Can" (Matt also had that with him) so we can give than an example of how to analytically look at a moive. We started them off nicely, so that they can do the same thing tomorrow.

It's already May...

...holy shit.
PG: Today I deserve a 100 because 1) I took the exit exam... cake. 2) I gave a film history lecture which to be honest, I was really unprepared for... I learned though. 3) After the freshman were gone Matt was teaching how to do autocad and I actually got some of it. Productive day, for sure.

Hmm... I gave my first "lecture" today. The one thing I love more than anything about being in this program besides the opportunities we're offered and the hands on experience we get is the chance to teach. By the end of senior year, you've directed... or tried too, and will have taught a class something. Although this year the circumstances are special, so the teaching is a little more than normal. But, it's such a learning expeierence. It just makes me feel like I have more of an edge... like, I almost have a one up in some ways on other kids, because I've taught something.

ALSO, because I know you will read this and my blackberry is dumb,
We'll stop and watch the movie... but before that we'll go over that slide one more time, just to make sure we're clear on somethings. And the slide show and Scorsese sounds great. I have a great book by Roger Ebert about criticism and his relationship with Scorsese. I can go through it one more time and if you would like I can bring it in and we can read some stuff?... Just text me or email me... I'll get it eventually :]

Desperatly need to get this out.

I'm spilling, because I am so done with the bullshit that is the morning class of our shop. it's so ridiculous that at this point i really need to wonder why any of them are there... besides like three people who repeadtly prove they should be there. we got an agenda for the week, cool. follow it. there are like, 4 groups that need to make their film, that's one group per day on the mac to edit because the films are already shot. or do the make up work. NOT SIT AROUND AND PLAY CARDS WHEN THERE IS A SHOW TO BE STRUCK IN THE AUDITORIUM YOU LAZY MOTHER FUCKERS. does this class realize that the only reason this fucking mainstage went up was because of the dedication of the senior class and the senior class cleaning up after them and the senior class taking on jobs that they were "overwhelmed" with work. bullshit. i have no sympathy. i've earned my keep and i did three jobs this show and i didn't have an emotional breakdown. anyway. so, while they were sitting there not doung any of the things in the cirriculm that was sent (keep in mind, the mainstage was NOT in my cirrculm) did anyone think... hey! there's a show that needs to be put up so we should strike our (well, the senior's) show? NO. ok, today the sub wouldn't let them in... did any one think to call aladren or a senior to again save the day? what about monday and tuesday? oh! i know where they were. cosmo. bullshitting. it's reatrded. i'm feeling so taken advantage of. and now, the freshman loose a day of reharsal because we are striking a show that was put up by us. bullllshit. what are there people going to do? they cannot realy on spoon feedings. they all have talent but no drive. i'm so upset by this, and so dissapointed. they let down the seniors, they let down the freshman. not to mention i found moldy food scattered about today. i'm so done. i was never like this as an underclassmen. like i said, i earned my keep. good luck to the upcoming juniors, because at the rate thier going now (plus or minus a few) they're on the path to becoming my seniors. no drive. no care. THIS IS WHY I DESERVE A 100.

I'm at Hayley's house!

Participation Grade: 100. Today I deserve a 100 because I'm actually a student in our school who cares about our work. I'm not there to bullshit and stuff, I'm learning, AND I'm on the honor role AND I'm accomplishing my goals and "not going to the army because I'm not 'smart' enough for college." The people in our class are such an inspiration to not be those people. Is this making sense?

Today Hayley and I went to Roosevelt Park and we ran around the lake like 4 times. She totally kicked my ass. Uhm... what else. I stole subs from honor role! Oh! yeah, I get to give out those scrolly things for the new members. In shop today in I "learnt" how to write feet and inches the right way... suprsingly I never learned that in grammer school. Today was really uneventful. Bye!

Mid Early Life Crisis. Not Really.

PG: Today I deserve a 100 because I'm and idiot and have no faith in myself and this is the one part of my future that I can control so if I can determine this and be in control of this and make this work out in my advantage then I will. That is why I get a 100.

So, today I had a bit of a mini-breakdown, which is appropriate, being I have this feeling of "I'm an idiot, what am I doing" ever since I've picked up Napkin. And being that I keep trying, but I'm not getting almost anything right, I've been contemplating for like, the past three days, if I'm really cut out for this business. Now, this takes me back to the whole Waiting for Guffman chat we had last year... But before I get to that, I just want to explain my logic. Katelin is a control freak, you know this. I've always been one of those people who figure things out fast, can lead people easily, yadayadayada. Then boom, this directing thing pops into my lap, and I guess hearing you say I have the personality of a director combined with always seeing the finshed product of a project, rather than really watching or particpating in directing, I thought it would be kinda sorta easy. Don't shoot. So when I didn't immideatly take to it, or immideatly get it, I felt so discouraged. Thus, leading me to belive that maybe this isn't the path I should be choosing. I don't know what other back up paths I had to bring this conclusion full circle... but I was just like so emo teenager about the whole thing I didn't care. So that's been me for the past two days. And then today. I have that whole, WTF moment in shop... and you look at me like I'm nuts. Then I go home and sulk about being like wow, I said something dumb, and then I reached my Waiting For Guffman moment while reading Waiting for Godot (awesome play, by the way) and I thought. What else coulfd I really do and be happy? Better, what could I do WELL, contribute to society, and be happy. And of course, I scanned the list that I like to pretends exists in my mind, but at this point in time I already know that the answer is nothing. And then I thought about what you said, with, "every first director hates their first show"... i really need to stop being so hard on myself, because you're right. I can't walk into somewhere, especially North Carolina and act like I haven't th slightest clue... even though I kinda don't. I'm learning, that's why there's college, So i can not look like as big a jackass as I do now when I try this again. I guess, I don't know? I'm sorry for doubting myself? I'm really embarassed now. I hate like, shit like this... this whiny bullshit. But I'm allowed to do that every so often, right? Becasue i really hate this shit. I'm so done. But thank you for looking at me the way you did and saying what you said today during class.

March 11, 2010

PG: Today I deserve a 100 because I showed up. Senioritis is killing the shit out of me, and as lame and cheesy as this sounds, the only thing getting me to school in the morning is shop. Like, really. I don't want to go to the rest of my classes, but with shop at the end of the day, it's a double edged sword. It gives me something to look forward to, but I also have to wait to get there.

When my babies, Kelsey and Baby K, or Dashana say that they've learned something from me, I feel like I'm seriously floating. It's such an awesome feeling to know that you can pass something on to the people younger than you, and that they look up to you enough to take in and absord what you have to say. I know I keeping dissing my seniors- but I can now because I feel like I've had freshman of my own long enough to do so. It's obvious that they didn't care if I learned something or not... not even in a malicious way, they just didn't belong where they were. Which is what really drives me to get to shop at the end of the day (read above PG paragraph) is knowing that not coming in would let them down. I had seniors who didn't care... if they didn't want to come to school for whatever reason, their freshman showcase rehearsal didn't stop them from doing so. Is it a good things that it's stopping me? Because I want to pass on to them everything I can and make this expierence for them something they will never foregt, and hopefully, when they have freshman, they can teach them everything I've taught them and like a katrillion times more.